The Quote Book

17 01 90. Cpl Wheeler (RCT) asked the following question at 13.05. "If you have a car from the UK, is it left or right hand drive?" The inhabitants of the crew bar just collapsed in a heap on the floor. It has been told that the said chap is actually a driving instructor!

16 01 90. Whilst watching Des O'Conner in Cainsey's room, Des introduced the next guest saying "This Man is whitty, always invited to parties and has won best personality for the last 2 years running" Cainsey then said "That's David Jason in it?" To which scouse replied "F**k off, its Spike Milligan" At that point Des said "Let me introduce "Michael Aspel"

20 02 90. Whilst attempting to recruit volunteers for a 20km march in May, L/Cpl Patterson came over and enquired "What's this then?" L/Cpl Hogan replied "We are organizing a trip!" SAC (W) Austin cut in saying "Yes we are organizing a trip to Hong Kong, a one day shopping trip. Were getting a Chinook to take us there, but its no good for you, your all in the UK" L/Cpl Patterson then replied " Put me down, I will come back for that". This just goes to prove that as all JHSU (G) RCT are the top 10% of the Corp are 90% of trogs brain damaged or just slightly more thick that the chosen 10%?

All time classics (Volume I - The Caines Experience) Heard during an U-21 club outing from Miles. "The Germans hate Boxheads!"

Munchkin Crowler (1st of many) "I walked into your room, but it was locked"

19 03 90 Amsterdam. Whilst sitting sipping cold beer at a quiet waterside Cafe, in Amsterdam, Miles Caines said, in a matter of fact sort of way 'Eh, there's loads of Mercenaries around here!" We all looked up with puzzled looks on our faces, then someone said "Don't you mean Missionaries, Miles?" Because there was lots of Missionaries handing out leaflets. We all the had a good laugh and Miles stayed quiet for a while

19 03 90. Whilst discussing the state of the guard at the NAAFI, SAC Austin sarcastically enquired why wasn't there a guard at the Markauf. SAC Flemming in all seriousness answered"Because its a German Shop!"

Many years ago in a far war torn land (8,000 miles to be precise) Two exercise tired Hookers sat waiting to hand in there Gats. One of the Hookers started to strip his weapon for normal daily cleaning. "Why, inquired the younger (and innocent) of the two are you cleaning your weapon Dusty, its only a week till Christmas. "Well. they invaded on a Bank Holiday last time!" Came the stunning reply.

20 03 90. The Singapore Restaurant, Gutersloh. L/Cpl Caines "Is China part of Hong Kong!"

Could someone please explain to L/Cpl Steve Douglas that the Snow Queen skiing exam does NOT involve a written test!

21 03 90. Whilst debating on where to go on Holiday, L/Cpl Caines said "Why don't we check out Sweden?" Pitts replied "That sounds like a good idea" Miles asked "What language do they speak!"

21 03 90. Whilst traveling back to work after barrack block inspection, Sgt Wright was asked what EIIR meant, to which he replied "Elizabeth Rex" Reported by SAC Ryan.

21 03 90. Another intellectual conversation with Ralnsey Caines debating on where to on on holiday. Cainsey " Why don't we check out Sweden?" Pitts replied "Sounds like a good idea to me" to which Cainsey quizzed "What language do they speak there?"

22 03 90 - Crew Bar. Cpl Wheeler had mistakenly put cold water into a cup of tea and like the effervescent, bright member of the Corps he is, put it into the Microwave. Dvr Sheridan, obliviously distressed by the length of time Cpl Wheeler had set the timer for exclaimed "F**king hell Tony, what are you trying to do.......... BOIL IT!!"

Cpl Dave Shearer - "In a word....Shove it!!"

L/Cpl Barron to SAC (W) weapons and tactics Austin. "Your a bit of a Percy Thrower...A Bird Watcher!" and then to add insult to injury "Not Percy Thrower...whos that bloke that tales the piss out of birds?" Does he mean Percy Edward's????